Astrology Twitter is fighting over whether Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez lied about her birth time

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Hell hath no fury like Astrology Twitter. 

Whether a crush, a nemesis, or your very own congressional representative, nothing exposes someone’s true self like a complete birth chart. (OK, there are lots of things that show your true colors, but your star placement is much easier to obtain.) 

Twitter users who care deeply about astrology are convinced that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez faked her birth time for … a better natal chart.  

Finding out someone’s birth time is the achievement to end all achievements. A natal chart is essentially pseudoscience for explaining why you are the way you are; Co-Star, an astrology app, describes it as an “astronomical snapshot of the sky based on the exact day, time, and place you were born.” The placement of certain stars, astrology enthusiasts reason, can influence your behavior and desires.  Read more…

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Mueller report sends a shocked internet into a hilarious frenzy

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It’s finally Mueller Time and no one knows what the fuck is happening. 

Special counsel Robert Mueller finally delivered his report to Attorney General William Barr on Friday. The report investigates Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election and has been a point of contention in Trump’s two-year-long term. 

As soon as news broke late Friday afternoon, Twitter users went into full meltdown mode and began sharing their hot takes. 

This is gonna be like when the INSTALLING bar hits 100% and you think something done installing and then a NEW bar shows up that says UPDATING

— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) March 22, 2019 Read more…

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Amazon is pulling its second HQ out of NYC, and people are delighted

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On Thursday, Amazon announced that it will be pulling its planned second headquarters out of New York City.

It was a remarkable about-face for the company, and followed weeks of considerable grassroots opposition on the ground. 

“Like a petulant child, Amazon insists on getting its way or takes its ball and leaves,” New York State Senator Mike Gianaris, who represents the district affected, said of Amazon’s pullout to the New York Times. “The only thing that happened here is that a community that was going to be profoundly affected by their presence started asking questions.” Read more…

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The best thing about the halftime show was everyone making fun of Maroon 5

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There is no band more consistently, doggedly embarrassing in America than Maroon 5. 

Their halftime performance at Super Bowl LIII was no exception. Viewers were subjected to Adam Levine’s exposed, erect nipples and guitar solos fit for a middle school battle of the bands.

Nobody captured this cultural collapse better than Twitter.

I’m sorry, but you just can’t have Adam Levine hopping to a hip-hop beat like he’s at a ska show — then crooning with an *actually* talented gospel choir  — and not expect people to mock it. It’s part of our cultural algorithm. Read more…

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Sinkhole opens up a block from the White House. Yes, another one.

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It figures that in the midst of the longest government shutdown in American history, the earth would literally open up a block from the grounds of White House.

Yet another sinkhole — a depression in the ground caused by a collapse of land — has opened up in Washington D.C., this time just a block from the presidential residence.

Opening up on Tuesday afternoon, the “large” sinkhole was reported by D.C. Police as being the reason for road closures on 17th Street NW between C Street and E Street NW.

Update
Street Bridge/Maintenance and DDOT ROP crews are en route for repairs and traffic control
Motorists can utilize 18th St, 15th St, K St, Virginia Ave, Constitution Ave as alternative pic.twitter.com/VRno3fTBjR

— DC Police Traffic (@DCPoliceTraffic) January 22, 2019 Read more…

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Well, this wild Nextdoor post escalated quickly

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No driveway is ever fully safe.

Nextdoor user “Vicki” knows this intimately. Recently, Vicki complained on the app that random people were using her circular driveway to turn their cars around. So Vicki decided to equip her driveway with some spike strips.

Vicki just ordered spike strips so people will stop using her circular driveway to turn around pic.twitter.com/uBnSotP9KG

— Best of Nextdoor (@bestofnextdoor) January 16, 2019

Nextdoor is an app designed to help neighbors connect to one another. Vicki connected, in her own way. And Best of Nextdoor, which captures the kindest gestures and pettiest grievances on the network, shared the moment with the rest of us.  Read more…

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Logan Paul says he’s ‘going gay’ for a month, and it’s not going over well

Oh, look, Logan Paul did something controversial again! This time he claimed he’s “going gay” for a New Year’s resolution. 
A little over a year after he faced backlash for posting a video of a man who died by suicide, Paul is back on his bullsh…

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Jeff Bezos is getting divorced and of course people are making Alexa jokes

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People can’t help but make jokes about the richest couple in the world splitting up. 

Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos announced their divorce on Wednesday, after 25 years of marriage and attaining a $137 billion net worth. And while ending a marriage is undoubtedly an unhappy experience for their family, Twitter users started making Amazon-themed jokes about the couple’s end.

Some poked fun at Amazon’s mildly terrifying targeted ads. 

Mrs. Bezos, Customers Who Viewed Jeff Bezos Also Viewed..pic.twitter.com/1Ht6eYeRvf

— Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) January 9, 2019

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An 18-inch pizza has more pizza than two 12-inch pizzas, and people are losing it

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Are you ready for a mindblowing revelation?

If you’re splitting pizza with friends, you’ll technically get more bang for your buck by splitting one 18-inch pizza instead of ordering two 12-inch pizzas. 

It sounds counterintuitive, but Fermat’s Library did the math: An 18-inch pizza has 254 square inches of “pizza,” while two 12-inch pizzas only have about 226 square inches. 

Here’s a useful counterintuitive fact: one 18 inch pizza has more ‘pizza’ than two 12 inch pizzas pic.twitter.com/hePSpG0pJs

— Fermat’s Library (@fermatslibrary) January 7, 2019

People were understandably confused — isn’t two more than one? Read more…

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Rashida Tlaib’s swearing-in attire prompted a lovely #tweetyourthobe hashtag

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When Rashida Tlaib was sworn into Congress on Thursday, her election had already made history – and there, in the U.S. Capitol, her attire followed suit. Tlaib wore a thobe, or traditional Palestinian robe, which inspired Palestinian-American women around the country to share their own with the Twitter hashtag #TweetYourThobe.

Notably, Tlaib was sworn in on a Quran. Her sons also earned some attention when they dabbed in celebration after the swearing in.

Congresswoman @RashidaTlaib is wearing a traditional embroidered Palestinian thobe as she’s sworn into office today on Thomas Jefferson’s Quran. A proud and historic moment#tweetyourthobe pic.twitter.com/XaOCOGLIEA

— Dena Takruri (@Dena) January 3, 2019 Read more…

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Pottermore’s unnecessary poop tweet reminds us that wizards are gross, we’re all overthinking things

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Pottermore recently resurfaced a wizarding world fun fact that has Harry Potter fans losing it on Twitter. Pottermore reminded fans – or in most cases, informed them – that before plumbing, wizards used to “relieve themselves” literally anywhere and then magically vanish any excrement.

…oh.

This fun-slash-frightening fact depending on your perspective comes from the Pottermore page about the Chamber of Secrets, which, if you recall, is only accessible via ancient plumbing channels.

Image: pottermore

why https://t.co/foKde30Pm3

— Maria Isabel (@mariami) January 4, 2019 Read more…

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McDonald’s and Greggs clap back at Piers Morgan’s vegan tweets

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Like manna from heaven, the greatest gift 2019 has proffered so far is the Greggs vegan sausage roll. 

It’s fair to say that Brits up and down the country were already somewhat enamoured with this flaky, mouth-watering delight. But, Piers Morgan was not entirely happy when the high street bakery launched a vegan version. 

True-to-from, Morgan offered up an unsolicited opinion, calling Greggs “PC-ravaged clowns.” 

Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage, you PC-ravaged clownshttps://t.co/QEiqG9qx2G

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) January 2, 2019 Read more…

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